a little something

Got a feeling,

I am dreaming.

With auburn in the sky.

This simple feeling,

may be healing.

But I don’t want it to.

So we can dream,

we can dream about it.

Just a little something i thought up today.

It’s not long or anything, but i like it.

…What it Really Means…

• what it really means

• by christa shive

• 3/16/09

Let me apologize to begin with.

For my pride and my promise

For my lies and my thoughts.

Everything I want to say is lost before it comes.

I wasn’t trying to be someone else for you, and you loved me for who I was.

I’m trying to regain your full trust.

But it’s harder than it seems.

–

I can’t explain it,

but fear is not fear when I’m with you.

There’s still truth behind your lies, we just need to find it.

These little things in life seem so big now.

When all was taken away,

when I was broken,

is when I realized I had more than I knew.

but I know I do mean something to you.

All you wanted was someone to truly love you,

but yet you still search.

my love disappeared but you still kept on.

And now I mean nothing to you.

–

Maybe it’s your turn to apologize.

I was not the one at fault.

Just dream again, someone to dream with you.

no longer pushing me away, but still not drawing me in.

This is the last time I will apologize to you for your faults.

Why did I not walk away,

when i wouldn’t feel this way?

I tried, to do, everything you wanted to, only nothing came out of it.

And this pushes me away.

And the sacrifice of hiding behind the wall.

And finding ways out though everything I know.

It pushes me away.

And everyone can see these scars.

Both outside and inside.

–

I will not be ignored,

Don’t turn your back on me like you always do.

When this began I had nothing to lose.

I was confused and I locked it up in my emptiness inside.

But I do feel this pain.

And I will let go of all the pain stored up inside.

There are many faces of fear…

Brownies have bitter chocolate in it. If you taste only the bitter chocolate, it’s terrible. But if you eat a brownie with bitter chocolate in it, it’s sweet and delicious not only because of the other ingredients, but also because of the bitter chocolate. Your life is like that. You go through things that you wish you never went through, but that isn’t the whole you. The darkness is never the whole picture. Sometimes when you are in the midst of something terrible, it’s all you can see. It’s all you can taste. But if you realize how wonderful you and your life can be as a whole…realize all that you have become…all that you have yet to become, everything your life holds, that’s when you realize the sweetness of the gift of life. Also, you couldn’t be who you are without those bitter, difficult times we face. The wonderful, beautiful, amazing person that you are is based partially on the pain.

…another poem…

• Walking Away From it All
• by Christa Shive
• 3/7/09
  

Running in every direction is the blood from these cuts.
You can take me, but can you save me?
I’ll never need you there again. Oh satisfaction.
I thought that this was beautiful.
You were there for me,
But when you went down, I moved on.
All I wanted to do was die with you
So wake up
Here’s a box to put my heart in
To keep it safe against these changing hands.
Watch me as I fall to the ground
Because without my heart, I am nothing.
I’m walking away from it all.

–

Walking away,
Our glances fading slowly,
I feel no regret.
If I had the choice to keep this for one more second,
I wouldn’t take it.
You can keep the moment forever,
But I’ll take my heart with me,
Locked up inside. Waiting for once.
I’m walking away from it all.

–

Yeah I’m a girl,
Just not your type.
I mess up once you wont talk to me.
What did I do to deserve this again?
Well I don’t care.
When I mess up I wont come to you no more
Cuz then we’ll still be able to talk,
And be friends again.
And I’m walking away from all but that.

…hello sun…

• by Christa Shive

3-1-09
Hello sun, clouds, rain.
I’m about to celebrate life.
In the most magnificent times in life,
I danced under the stars.
They became my friends, each with a name.
In the most disastrous times in life,
I cried under the stars.
Each kissed my face, lifted my eyes to glorify,
instead of ignore.

I dwelt in the darkness,
And slept in the sun.
My voice at night is no more than a whisper.
But I awoke each sunrise,
And knew it was time to celebrate life.
Blessed is this life I’m in, oh
Beauty is all there is tonight.

The wind sweeps the sky clean of rain.
I trespass in my sleep to dream.
Of Heaven and earth cut by brilliance.
All I can do is dream of the place
Through the sky and past the stars.